No excuses.
Just havent.
At first I wondered "Does anyone even read these?"
But then I thought..... "I dont know that I care if they do."
Yeah, truth is, most of the reason that I post anything is because I just want to write something.
And there IS the other part of, I hope people read it and take something from it.
Whether it is new music (YAY!) or a laugh, or a new way of thinking.
Or maybe just seeing into me a little more when I hurt.
Anyway.
Tye is in Hawaii. YAY for him. He has an amazing job. Yes, He is in Hawaii for his JOB. He is on the island of Lanai, he is SCUBA diving, and on a boat in the middle of the ocean. AND THIS IS HIS JOB!! Man, we really are blessed for him to have the job that he has. To work for the man that he does. Not only because he gets to do amazing things, but his "employer" loves him and values him. I am happy for him when he gets to go do amazing things and it is "work".
BUT, I miss him.
This trip has been harder than the others . (He has been on many)
This is the first trip since Brian died. And I find myself thinking "This is what it would be like everyday with him gone".
Now, dont get me wrong, I do not and will not claim to know what Anna is going through, simply because my husband is out of town. I dont. I dont ever want to.
But it still takes me to a sad place.
Last Monday, I slept at my moms house with Anna so I could go with her to her Drs. appointment.
Anna and I laid in her bed after Ava had gone to sleep. We talked about Brian, we talked about how to move forward, we talked about her dreams.
Man, this hurts.
I couldn't do anything for my sweet sister as she was crying, telling me that she REALLY wishes that she could just be in a coma. To please, wake her up when I think the hurt might not be so big. When I think she may be able to breathe deeper.
All I could do is rub her head, let her cry, and tell her what I absolutely know to be one of the truest things I know....."Anna, you can do this...."
And it is so true.
Anna, you can do this. I love you!
On Saturday night, my sister Erin came up to my house to be with Grace while I went to a friends birthday party.
Erin is such a great aunt! She is such a great sister!
She took Grace to go see Ice Age the Dawn of the Dinosaurs.......brave girl.
WHAT A SNOOZER!!
Yes, Grace and I have already seen it. Grace LOVES it and wanted to see it again. But I was NOT willing to go see it again. So Erin got the job. But she actually liked it.
She slept in my bed with me. And I slept like S%&T!! I had stressful dreams that seemed so surface. I dont feel like I slept at all. I wondered if Erin had slept at all cuz she was sleeping so quietly. She got up at about 415 to go potty and get a drink of water.
When she got back into bed, I asked her if she had slept. She had! I am glad!. But then we stayed awake and talked until about 6 or so. Then we both went back to sleep. the net 3 1/2 hours of sleep I got was SO MUCH better than the previous 4.
It was fun to have her here.
So the birthday celebration for Megan on Saturday was nice. It was at Olivia and Wendy's house in Centerville. It was really nice. Beautiful back yard and wonderful company.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN! I love you and I am grateful for you!
Ok, so a funny Grace story......
A few weeks ago, Grace and I were on our way to school. We were pulling into the gas station and Grace said (in a small, shy voice)
-"Mom.....I have been hiding something from you..."
**Well, ok honey, seems like you want to tell me about it. What is it?
-"Awwww....I dont want to tell you...I am afraid I will get into trouble..."
I tell her that I will never get angry at her for telling me the truth.
BUT that doesnt mean that there will not be consequences for her actions.
(Depending on what she is telling on herself about)
She musters up the courage and says.....
-"So, there is this girl Mary at our school......and, there was this one day that she said something that I didnt like......but I dont remember what it was...."
**Ok, I say. Then what happened?
-"Oh mom" she says "I am not proud of it...."
**Well, go ahead and tell me.
-"Well, I got mad at what she said.......so......."
**Yeah?
-"I yelled at the other kids...'GET MARY!!!!!!'.." (As she shoves her fist in the air)
**WHAT?
**What did the other kids do when you "commanded" them to "Get Mary"?
-"They all ran up to her and started kicking her, pinching her and hitting her...."
Uhhhhhhhh........
**Grace, what were you doing as they "Got Mary"?
-"I watched them."
**You didnt join them?
-"No, just watched them"
Uh....ok.....So......do you feel bad about goin all Soprano's on Mary's ass?
Ok, so I didnt ask her in THAT way.....
I asked
**Why do you think it was ok to tell all those kids to hurt Mary?
-"I dont think it is ok mom. I feel really bad".
**Well, Grace, just imagine if Mary did that to you. And all the kids "got" you. I can imagine that you would come home, probably cry in my arms asking me 'mom, why dont they like me, how come they treated me like this...whats wrong with me?'
And I would hold you and tell you that I love you and that I am sorry that other people feel like they needed to treat you so poorly. But you are an amazing little girl.
-"ugh....mom.....I really do feel bad...."
**Well, I guess today you get to make it right with her. You can apologize to her at school today.
-"No i cant.....she moved to Arizona...."
**Well, I guess you can write her a letter. I will make sure that it gets to her. How old is Mary anyway?
-12
**12????!!!!!!
**You got a bunch of kids from 6-11 to get all Guido on a 12 year old....and you sat and watched....?????!!!!!
Well, she is a leader....not a follower....I guess I like that. I am not a follower either...not when it doesnt work for me. And her dad certainly isnt either.
We just need to direct this "leadership" in a more productive, less mob fashion.
Cross my fingers.
