Internet Squatting....

What you dont know (until now when I tell you) is that I am doing a dance.

A jig of sorts.

This is because WE HAVE INTERNET!!!

Geez Lu-eez, we havent had internet for MONTHS!

Judge if you want, but whatever internet we had, we stole. Well, graciously borrowed.

Someone around here had an open network. So when it worked we graciously said please and thank you. However, I think they stopped paying their bill.

HELLO! You have other internet addictions to feed...not just your own.

But, this is how we are paying "them" back....ours isnt locked. So, they can partake for a few months. I would gladly go tell them, but I have NO IDEA whose internet home we were squatting in. Time to make the universe balanced by sharing...right?

I hope that you dont think bad thoughts about us now.

We really are pretty good people.

Anyway, that is why I am doing a dance. And in order for me to keep up on whats going on in blogger-ville-ing-ton, I would have to lay in bed at night and read the posts. I would also have to post from my phone. It isnt hard, it just takes a long time and I already know that I need to work on my patience.

So, I very graphically threatened my sister in law Sara about getting me the rest of the pictures and video from Oregon. She ignored me.

I cant put on here how I threatened her. But trust me, I am surprised she didnt take out a restraining order on me.

Later she told me she would get them to me soon. So, when I get them, plan on either a mother of a post, or a gaggle of posts. With pictures.

Today is my first day of 500 calories on my third round of HCG. I think my head is in it this time. I am excited that in 40 days, I can undo all that I did in 6 months in the undoing of my 2nd round.

Did that just make you dizzy?

What that means is that in 6 months, I gained every pound back that I lost in my 2nd round. I know some will read this and think or say “See! HCG doesn’t work!!”

I beg to differ.

I didn’t work.

HCG did its job in the time frame that I did it. Hell, it did its job months after I stopped. I’m the dumb @$$ that decided to eat like crap!

Actually, I kept all of it off quite successfully up through May. May was the slippery slope. Well, Oregon was the slippery slope. I came back from Oregon, physically, feeling like crap. I ate badly for how I normally eat. I normally eat fresh, clean foods. In fact, I was talking to my sister last night, telling her that I don’t know why I even have a pantry. Well, at least a pantry that is stuffed to the gills with food that we don’t eat. We just don’t eat out of cans or boxes.

Anyway. I blame me for my weight gain. Blaming HCG for my weight gain is like blaming the Insulin when a diabetic has issues because they decided to eat sugar.

I know exactly where I went wrong. I stopped taking my lunch to work. AND, I stopped going to the gym. I guess in a sense, I got lazy. But man, I feel like I was ALWAYS running. Always having something that needs to get done. I am still super busy. But the part about HCG that I am looking forward to the most (other than the weight loss) is the structure.

In order for me to be successful with it, I MUST be structured. I have to be prepared and I have to be on a schedule. So, that will get me and my lard-o butt back on track.

Ok, so since I have working internet that I can be a proud owner of, I will post more often. I told my friend Jen that I will blog about the time that I got hit by a cyclist……in my PARKED car….. Let that simmer.

In the mean time, I have some Asparagus Curry Chicken soup waiting for me.

Catch ya on the flip flop

Alisa

Help a girl out suga......

So-
I am planning my return to Italy next year. I will be there in June for two weeks.
We will be in villages that are snuggled up against The Dolomites.

Here is a visual:


Super rough, huh? I know. But I am a trooper.

Anyway, every time I plan an adventure, I think "Oh, but we will so close to _________. Maybe we should try to fit in ___________." And it can turn crazy REALLY fast.
However, last time, we thought "Oh Man, we will be so close to Greece. We HAVE to go to Greece." So we did and it was great. You should check it out here. (But wait until you are done with this one. I need your help!)

This time is no exception.

So, this is the decision we are up against. Below are the three options of the other places we will be so close to.......

Austria

Or

Switzerland

OR...

Southern France



I'm really leaning towards Austria.

Help me out.

List of the Grateful-ness

Grateful-

*Hand blenders

*Almond milk

*Pink plastic party cups

*Flip flops

*Lagoon passes (because EVERY time we go, we have more fun than the time before)

*Old Navy

*My smart phone

*Zero Calorie Sobe Life water

*This American Life

*Scissors

*Pink toe nail polish with sparkles

*Alicia Unruh

*Pear and gorgonzola pizza at CPK

*Joran, my hair girl

*Candles

*Coconut flour

*Farmers markets

*Tye…..T-horse….Gus. He is pretty dang great. He loves me a lot. And he tells me a lot. J

*Massage Envy and the 5 hours of massage I have saved up

*The picture of a flower Tye painted for me that I have on my desk

*The snow flakes and pictures Grace made for me that I have on my wall in my office

*The Olive Bar at Smiths Market Place in Bountiful

(Im not gonna lie, its borderline inappropriate, this relationship I have with it)

* Cousin Emily

*MUSIC!!

***Brandi. When she sings anything really. But Super thankful for “Again Today” and the line “Im broken down, not good enough-my broken promises add up; they’re twice their weight in tears, which I have caused…”

***Katie Herzig and when she sings “I wanna wish you well” and the line in that song goes “I wanna smell your scent. I wanna breathe the air I did before, before you left….”

*** Ryan Adams- His version of Wonderwall is so….melty

* Park City and the huge lift that takes you to the top of the slide and the $50.00 it cost to do the slide and the coaster for me a Grace.

* Sara Boulter

*Spare Tires

*Knowing how to eat healthy

*Actually eating healthy

*Finishing my day snuggling Grace in my bed while watching The Simpsons and “Getting her zits”.

(Pinching her back)

Secret.....

I have a secret to tell.
Actually….not a secret. Calling it a secret makes me feel like it is something that I should be ashamed of. And I’m not.

No way.

In fact, I have told other people this. So, it isn’t a secret. It never was.
So, that secret part…..scratch that.

I am 34 with a husband and an 8 year old daughter and I full on peed my pants.
No lie. 100% flood gates opened, peed until there was not more pee to release, peed my pants.

Want the story?

Here it is.

My family and I went up to Island Park, ID for the 4th of July weekend.
Tye’s family has a cabin up there on the lake and when we get invited, we really like to go. Plus, we had just purchased our camping trailer and wanted to break it in.

On Saturday, the rest of the family and Grace went out on the boat. So, Tye and I decided to shoot our bows. We loaded them in the truck with the target and headed out to find a meadow. We found a perfect spot just off a small dirt road.

Here’s where it all started to go….er get wet….

I think that as soon as my feet touched the ground, it triggered the beginning of some sort of bladder betrayal sensory connector in my body. For real, my feet touched the ground from getting out of the truck and I just went “Holy Cow, I have to pee….NOW”

****This is where some might say “If you aren’t interested in the details that I will be divulging below, skip to the next paragraph”. Well, not me. This is where I will say….If you aren’t interested in the details that I will be divulging below, you may want to stop reading my blog all together….*****

Play by play of Operation Bladder Betrayal-

Get out of the truck
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT CONNECTS TO BODILY FUNCTIONS!!
MUST. PEE. NOW.!
Run over to the other side of the truck, in front of Tye’s open door.
Pants down.
Get in “position”.
Pee….
Tye yells “OH SHOOT!.....”.

Ok, at this point, for 1/8th of a millisecond, I thought that there was a rattlesnake by my butt. Don’t worry, there wasnt.

“What??” I say
Tye- “Here come people towards us…”
Sure enough, I didn’t plan on people coming TOWARDS us.
So, Tye jumps in front of me. Seriously though, they have already seen me in peeing position and peeing.
He yells “Hurry, STOP PEEING…GET UP!!”

HUH?!?!

Ok, tell me, who the hell can stop peeing after they have started? And not just a “tinkle” started, but “the flood gates have opened, release the contents” kind of started. Well, apparently, not me. I cant stop. Its as if my bladder has a mind of its own and it has been waiting for the perfect time to betray me. Or, as if it is not even a part of me at all. Totally independent of me and my body. No. It was more like I wanted someone across the world, in another country....say Laos, to stop peeing. I had no say in it.
Makes no sense, right?

So, there I am, pants up, pee still coming out of me. I gave up. I just accepted that pee was coming out of me at a very high rate and no matter what I (or Tye) thought I should be able to do about it, there was nothing that I could actually do about it. So I embraced it. I wouldn’t say that I actually preferred it. However, once I surrendered, it didn’t suck.

By this time, the riders on the ATVs have seen the show and they were on their way to tell all their family and friends and most likely Facebook about. Im sure someone has it on their blog as well. Well, mystery ATV-ers, you are welcome for the content.

So, Tye turns to me and says “You really peed your pants?” …….I look at him with a look that is somewhere between *Did I suddenly start talking in tongues and you didn’t understand me??* and *If that wasn’t you standing next to me while I peed my pants…WHO WAS IT??”

“YES!” I answer as I slap the back of my wet leg to demonstrate how wet my pants were.
“I look like a just sat in a river…..” I tell him. He looks at me, opens his door and gets something. He hands this “something” to me. It’s a (as in ONE) folded napkin………….

I look at him and say “I don’t need to blow my nose….”
He says “Put it in your underwear, it’ll soak up the pee.”
Really, he thought this was a good idea.

I look at him and say: “Tye, I love you. I really do. You know this. We have been married for 12 years. And maybe you have ever doubted my love for you. Hell, I have ever doubted my love for you. But not on this day. No. On this day I am clear about my love for you. However, right now I am doubting your ability to understand that I JUST PEED MY PANTS!!! I DIDN’T DO AN ACCIDENTAL TINCKLE LIKE I DO WHEN I SNEEZE!!! (Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about ladies) Thanks, but this will just melt in my pants and become part of the
wet- mess.”

Most of you, well actually, most PEOPLE, would head back to the cabin at this point.
But really, what would be the point? I would have to figure out how to sit in the truck as to not get the seat wet with my peed-ness. I guess I could have sat in the bed of the truck. Just like our dogs….that pee whenever and where ever they want.

But, I REALLY wanted to shoot my bow. So, I made the decision. No, we will not leave. We will stay and shoot our bows. There was a nice breeze out. I was wearing thin yoga pants. They would dry. They were black, so you couldn’t even tell that I had peed….kinda. So that is what we did. We stayed for about an hour and a half, my pants dried, I shot like crap-ish, lost an arrow and made a memory.

Adult incontinence mishap- 2.

With many more to come…I am positive.