Buying Ice for a Stranger

Giving and Receiving and how receiving is giving and giving is receiving. And now I am dizzy and need a Dramamine.....

I "ran" to the grocery store to get "some" items.

***Saying "ran" may give you the idea that I do this in a quick and efficient manner. HA! There will be no more hunger in the world, no such thing as spiders, calories will be something you cant ever have enough of and the world will most likely implode on the day THAT happens. On that same said day, I will only get "some" items as well. So, according to *this* (me) Nostradamus and the reality of that EVER happening......breathe easy kids. The world isn't ending anytime soon....***

Back to the subject.

Grocery store...

Run in....

Some things....

Riiiight....

I'm at the check out counter. The people in front of me had 2 carts FULL of items. (If they are like me, their intention was only to get garbage bags and brussel sprouts)

I didn't mind being behind them and waiting for a while in line. This is when I actually breathe. This is when I can relax. Grace was playing with friends, Tye was at a meeting and I was in line at the grocery store...breathing.

After the couple in front of me was done, the checker started scanning my stuff.

Now, I didn't have 2 carts full of items. I didn't even have a full cart. But, i had A LOT of fresh veggies and fruit and that can take a bit of time to ring up. There was a line behind me, and the checker was only about half way through my stuff, when the people who were in front of me came back and asked "did you ring me up for the ice?"

The checker hadn't charged them for ice. He said to him "I'm sorry, I didn't. Let me finish with this line first and I can."

Now, honestly, on most days, if a checker had told me that, I would have been a bit put out. I wouldn't say anything "mean", but I may not have been all sorts of cheery.

But, this customer was fine with it and he was willing to wait.

That's when my "me" ping-ed me.

Without thinking, I said to the checker "Just ring me up for it".

The checker looks at me and says "What? you wanna pay for it?"

"Yes" I said.

The customer who needed the ice said "What? No. You don't need to do that."

"I know that I don't NEED to do it. If I felt that I NEEDED to do it, I may not want to. I WANT to do it. Get your ice and go. Get outta here. I looks like you are going somewhere fun." This instruction came from a pure, authentic and authoritative place.

So, then the checker gets all nervous and starts making these moaning sounds. Like "ohhhh....uhhhh....hmmmmm....eeeerrrrr..."

I said " Are you OK?"

He said "Oh man, I don't know if I feel comfortable about having you pay for their Ice....It feels....weird..."

"YOU feel weird about ME paying for THEIR ice....?" I asked.

"Yeah" He said.

"Well", I started "Here is the good news. Its not up to you. :) Now, ring it up so he can take it and go..."

That's when the guy that I was buying the ice for chimed in saying, " Really ma'am, you don't need to do this."

I turned to him and said "Didn't i tell you to get to gettin at what you were gettin to? Listen, I want to buy your ice. It isn't because I don't think y0u can afford it, or because you aren't patient enough to wait in this line again. I just simply want to. So, could you please take your ice with a smile, enjoy what you are going to go do and do something nice for another stranger soon?"

"Yes" he replies. "And Thank you"

I responded with "You are welcome, and thank you".

Now, the checker was still SUPER nervous. He was still ringing up my things and I said to him "why did that make you so nervous?"

This is what he says- "I don't know. People aren't just nice like that. You are just really nice."

As soon as the last word left his mouth, I said- "Not True!"

That startled him.

I said "Everyone is 'nice'. Every single person. YOU are 'nice'. Wanna know how I know? Because you recognized it in me. Everyone can be 'nice'. But, try letting others be 'nice'. THAT is the gift."

He shook his head and just said "ok" and finished ringing me up.

Try it.

For real.

Do something nice for a complete and total stranger.

You'll notice something.

You will notice that there is something familiar in the person you are doing something nice for.

Like...a reflection.

Perhaps a reflection of humanity.

You know when you are in between two mirrors facing each other? And you see your reflection on and on with no end.

Yeah, buying ice for a stranger is like that.

Alisa

Grateful

I surely dont say it enough.

Though, I do think it.

So, Im puttin it out there-

*The wisdom of a 9 year old

*13 years of marriage

*Making it to 35. (It always seemed soooooooooo old, right?)

*My job

*My creativity

*Really grounded, smart, open minded, Loving friends

*Tattoos

*Hulu and Kitchen Nightmares (For reals guys. I am ADDICTED to Chef Ramsay)

* Water

*Faga Yogurt

* The opportunity to go to the gym when ever I want, even tho I rarely do

* Laundry detergent. Serious, how did clothes get clean before? I mean, I could do it with one of those pioneer silver bumpy things if I had detergent. But, I cant clean my clothes WITH a washer if there's no detergent. Think about it.

*Fresh eggs when ever I want

*Whole Foods

*Tooth brush

*Tinker Bell and Her friends (Ima believer)

*FIREFLYS!!!!

*Sisters

*Brothers

*all of their kids

*A good fitting bra (only a few of you may understand what kind of engineering goes into keeping these puppies off the ground. Or getting stuck in my knees)

* Dreams

*Money in my bank account

*Growing up ( a little bit)

* Grace

* The idea that I may read a book, so at least I get the pleasure of buying it......

* Internet

* Olive Leaf Extract

Toodles

Alisa

I love it when I listen to me.

I love the perfect little surprises that I get when I do.

The fun little verifications that is an "I toldja so" that I like to hear.

Cuz its from me.

Today I got home from work and was deciding what to make for dinner.

I decided on Elk stroganoff.

As I was cooking it, Grace asked if she could go play.

I told her she could, but she had to be home by 7.

Well, stroganoff doesn't take as long as I thought.

There, I was looking a the clock, and it was 6:40. But dinner was ready.

I didn't want to keep it on the stove. I wanted to just get it eaten.

I thought to myself "I should just call her in and let her know that she can eat, then go finish playing."

Then I thought "no....shes only been able to play for 15 minutes. This can sit on the stove an keep warm...."

Then again, "No, call her in now. Its time to eat now."

So, that is what I did.

I went outside, and she was playing with some friends a few houses down.

I called to her "Grace, come eat..."

She didn't hear.

Then I saw Grandpa walking back from his mailbox, back into his house.

Without thinking I yelled "Grandpa...wait"

He turned around, I ran across the street and asked "Have you eaten yet Grandpa?"

He looked at me with a smile on his face and said "Why no, I was just wondering to myself what I should make."

I smiled back and said,"Well, we would love to have you for dinner. If you would like Elk stroganoff, green beans and garlic bread."

His smile increased as he answered "Alisa, that sounds lovely! Let me put my mail away and I will be right over."

We had such a great dinner.

This is the second time he has been over for dinner. I didn't blog about the other time.

I couldn't put it into words. It left me very emotional.

But, as I mentioned, this time was great.

We ate and talked and Tye and I listened to his stories.

He has a lot of really great stories.

Had I not decided to call Grace in early, I would not have seen Grandpa and invited him for dinner. Sure, I could have knocked on his door, but this was about me listening and following to allow perfect timing to happen.

More than the joy I could see from Grandpa, I could feel it from him.

It was tangible.

It was time for him to go home, but I made sure he was sent home with the left overs.

At least he wont have to think about what to make for lunch tomorrow.

I love Grandpa. He makes me happy.

I love when I listen to myself.

It makes me happy.

Alisa

I can almost taste it.

Ok. Its time.

I need something. I need to use the good parts of me.

I mean, REALLY use them.

Im supposed to do more.

Im supposed to be a part of many peoples lives. Kids lives. All over the world.

Im supposed to be financially secure. REALLY secure. So secure, that I can assist others security.

Im supposed to be my own boss, but work for others. Serve others.

Im supposed to be able to show my girl the world.

She isn't supposed to learn about the rest of the world out side of itty bitty Syracuse, Utah through the internet.

She's supposed to experience it. She's supposed to experience it with me.

We're supposed to sprinkle fairy dust around the world.

K, so, now I gotta figure out what it is that I'm supposed to do to get us there. To get us everywhere.

I think that it involves writing.

Maybe even writing with her.

Yeah. Its time.

-A

Valuable Currency

Im feelin it.
Blogging time.
Im sorry that I have been away for so long. :(
I hope I am apologizing to someone. I hope I still a have a reader or two.

So, I have been....not me....lately.
I have been in a funk. A funky funk funk.

I believe that what ever is going on outside of you, is a mirror as to what you are putting out into the world.
So, when I start seeing, feeling and watching things swirl around me in my life that I dont like, I need to stop and think what I am (or am NOT) putting out there as well.

Are you dizzy? Did that even make a lick of sense?

Well, anyway, one thing that I have been "struggling" with is expectation of friendship and what that looks like.
Friendship has always been something that has been a struggle for me.

I hated Jr. High because it was an awkward time for friendships for me.
Jr. High just hurt for the most part.

In high school, I had friends. I had one or two close friends. But I wasnt busy on the weekend. Not even close.

I have a hard time expanding my friend-ness. It is a very vulnerable thing for me.

However, I am lucky. I have chosen really good people to be my friends in my adult years. Even a few from my Jr. high and High School years are still my friends. Even if we never "see" each other.

However, of the times that I have been hurt most in my life, it has not been by boys, siblings or parents. It has been by friends.

Right now, Im learning lessons in friendship. Mostly about how I do them. And how I hurt me with them. And, I am learning that there are many on the outside of "my circle" that are just waiting for my signal. My invitation.
I am learning that the more I let people in, the greater risk there is for hurt, and of coarse, the greater risk there is for reward.
I am also learning that it isnt the end of a friendship when I get hurt.
Ok, I have never thought it was the end of a friendship when I get hurt. BUT I will create space while I find another safe place and lick my wounds.

My best lesson about friendship was on Tuesday this week.

Back story-
Since we moved in to our house (11 years ago this May) we have lived across the street of the cutest elderly couple in the world. Ronald and Louise Walker.
They welcomed us so kindly. They LOVED Grace from the minute they saw her, when she was three days old.
She has grown up knowing them as Grandma and Grandpa. Often we would go to their house, talk with them, take them bread, treats...whatever.
Grandpa would come over and bring us tomatoes, salsa and homemade zucchini bread.
As years went on, Grace would get permission to be able to climb their big tree in the front yard. Tye would fix things on the roof, screw in a few light bulbs so grandma or grandpa wouldnt have to get on a step ladder, or shovel their drive and sidewalk.

Then, grandpa got a riding mower so he didnt have to push his mower to mow his lawn.
Tye made a deal with him. Tye would mow grandpas lawn if Tye could use his mower to mow ours.
They shook on it.
(Tye would have mowed his lawn anyway, but he knew grandpa wouldnt let him without a trade)
Grace and I would go rake the front yard, clean up the fruit that fell on the ground and clean up the branches from the heavy winds the night before.

As time went on, I would get a little more concerned for them. They would travel from Mountain Green, Wyoming to Syracuse, Utah every other week or so. Its about a 2 hour drive. But they would do it in the winterest of winter days.
Grandmas health was getting worse. She had been suffering from MS for quite a few years.
She would spend her time inside. In the years before, she would sometimes venture out to the front porch and sit on the bench while grandpa would weed and Grace would climb the tree.
We didnt know their kids or grandkids. They all lived in Wyoming.
But, they knew us.
They knew of Grace, the "OTHER" grandchild in Syracuse.

On Saturday, Tye and I were heading to the funeral of our friends mother.
We pulled out of the drive and passed grandma and grandpas house. There were a few cars there. Tye mentioned that it made him nervous when a bunch of cars were there. I told him that I would get nervous when I would hear sirens, so I ALWAYS checked out the front to make sure they werent headed to grandmas and grandpas.
We both agreed how sad we would be when either of them passed.

Later that day I was at dinner with Grace and her friend. My phone rang with a number that I didnt recognize. I dont normally answer those calls, but I did this time.
I answered it, and it was the old bishop for the ward in our neighborhood. He introduced himself and then let me know that Grandpa asked him to call me. Grandma had passed away that morning.
I was stunned.
I had no idea that there had been issues to that degree.
She had, in fact, been ill and declining the last month. And rapidly the last 2 weeks.
She was having issues breathing on Friday and was in a bad way. So Grandpa took her to the hospital on Friday evening.
Saturday morning, she left.

I hung up with him, and Grace could tell something was wrong.
I let her know that grandma died.
She did her best to keep the tears back.

Then I called Tye. He was stunned and sad as well.

They decided to do a viewing in Syracuse on Tuesday, and the funeral in Wyoming on Thursday.
We had to support Grandpa. We would go to both.

We went to the church where the viewing was on Tuesday.
It was a typical viewing in a church. We waited in line to see Grandpa. We still had not had an opportunity to see or talk to him since grandma passed.
I watched as people in their 70's and 80's showed up, shook hands and had small talk.
I imagine that this stage in life, this really is a common thing that is just part of their lives. So, it makes sense that with that, it can be a little bit casual.
I noticed that nobody hugged grandpa.
There was alot of hand shaking. There was alot of small talk.
I watched as the person infront of me was bringing their small talk to an end, and waited to catch grandpas eye.

Caught it.

I took one step forward with my arms as wide open as they could go and wrapped them around him as if they could go around a dozen times.
Then he wept.
"Oh Alisa, my neighbor. My favorite neighbor. My kind, sweet neighbor. My FREIND."
We hugged tightly and both wept.
He pulled away and apologized for not calling us. saying "I just didnt know how to call you. I hesitated. I wasnt sure."
I assured him that it was ok.
He looked down at Grace who was glued to my side and smiled and said "Hi lovely Grace. Can I please...." and before he could ask, she had her arms wrapped tightly around him.
Tye then wrapped his arms around him and let him know how much he loves him.
And grandpa wept.

During my time of struggling through my value in friendships and almost feeling victimized by friendship, it showed itself in the purest form. And it was reflecting through my 83 year old neighbor.
I realized that friendship has many faces. It has many depths and you may think you know what YOUR friendship means or doesnt mean to someone.....but never assume it doesnt hold value.


And Megan....thank you for being my friend.
I got to reconnect with my special friend Megan on Wednesday night.
And it wasnt a moment too late.
I got to tell her things that hurt me deeply over the last little bit.
She was unbiased. She was wise and she was supportive.
As I have been struggling over the last few weeks and knowing I needed to bounce stuff off of someone, what kept coming back to me was "Megan, Megan, call Megan. Call Megan. Its Megan. Megan is your girl"
Megan was my girl.
I hope I added value to your night and life just as you did mine. I love you friend!

So, the best thing I can do is to be the friend that I want to have.
And so I am.


Alisa

3.....2.....1.....
Meltdown

Bad day

So, its not been a great couple of days.
Well, today was great for a couple of hours. But, before it....meh. After it.....meh.

Yesterday I started a.....detox. Yeah, a detox.
Tye is doing it with me. It's not HCG.
Anyway, I slept funky Monday night. I didn't get to sleep until about 2. Then kitty started crying, whining and meowing REALLY loud at 5:30. In THE MORNING!!!! So, I had a raging headache all day.
First day of detox + funky sleeping - actual sleep + drama that just won't go away and makes me crazy = the crappiest of crappy days in a long time for this girl.
Today, headache lingering because I slept funky. Kitty up at 5:30, gotta get to work, "don't back out B....don't back out B" going through my head. Low numbers. Blah blah blah.

Here's what I need. I need a wise, non-biased person to talk to.
I don't want someone who will give into and agree with my smallness.
I want someone to tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way about *this*, and that I'm not seeing things as their potential.
I want someone to tell me I'm wrong, and I want them to be right.

And, I want my tooth not to hurt until I have insurance.


And I want a cookie.
Hmmphh

New Year, New Day, New Moment

***K, I wrote this on Saturday, but was having issues....with my fauxhawk, jeep, and I gained 5 lbs overnight. Plus I keep getting little jabs of pain all over my body.

Hmmm....how perplexing.....***

Happy new year!!!!

I resolve everyday. So, I'm not going to do this whole resolution thing just because it's the beginning of a new year.
I do it cuz it's a new day, a new moment, a new opportunity.

Daily:

-I punish myself way too much about food. I won't do that anymore. That doesn't mean that I'm going to just eat like crap and ignore the consequences. No, what I mean is that if I chose to not eat crap, it is because of how it makes my body feel. It will be because I am treating myself kindly. And I will no longer treat myself unkind with words in my head.

-With speaking more kindly to myself, I will with others as well. With my girl and my hubby specifically. I will spend more time with my girl, doing what eight year olds do. With that, I will also have more follow through with my girl. I mean this in the discipline area. She may voice the contrary, but she works well with discipline.

-I'm going to read more books. With this new thing I have that is flat and shinny and has a fruit on the back (I dare not say the name for fear I might get another jabbing pain in some random place on my body), I have downloadable books. There are lots of free ones, and the ones that aren't free, are cheap. More books that really interest me. With that, I will be consciously creating more time to do so.

-I won't resolve to keeping my house cleaner. I think that will be a result of me being truer to myself. Doing what centers me. What grounds me.

-I'm going to say sorry when I'm sorry, and say I'm wrong when I'm wrong.

-I'm going to say yes when the answer is yes, and I'm going to say no when the answer is no.

- I am going to say kinder, thoughtful, conscious words in my marriage. 2010 was a great year for us because hubby stayed conscious. 2011 is my year to do that. Oh man, we're gonna make our friends dry heave. Hehehehe

-I am going to make use of the money I pay to the gym every month. I just dont know when.

Now for the FUN stuff:

- I am going to go to AT LEAST 3 Brandi Carlile concerts. In Utah or out of state. Whatever.

- Im going to get 2 tattoos!!!

- Im going to do the SLC Marathon again. (Bike Tour)

- Im going to do LRRH.

WAHOO!!!

What are you creating in 2011?

Alisa