Candi....what?

**Warning, this is a LONG post. If you want to know about what MAY be ailing you...continue.**

Candida-

Ever heard of it? You probably have. However, I have not. Well, until yesterday.

I was talking to my mom about Nutri-biotic for this little sickness I have been dealing with for the last couple of days. (Made me miss going to San Diego....jerk)

Anyway, my mom was rambling off the ailments that Nutri-biotic helps with. Then she mentioned yeast infection or candida. She then says "Oh, I need to tell your sister about that part.."

She has had digestion issues as well as other issues that she has been trying to figure out.

At one point she thought that Candida might be the culprit. She was swayed from it. But she came back to thinking that this was the issue. So she did alot of research and she is pretty sure she has found what ailes her.

For those of you who, like me, havent heard or known of candida let me tell you what it is.

Candida is the over growth of yeast in your body.

All of us have yeast in our body. Naturally the body knows what to do with it and there isnt an issue. However, there are a lot of those who have yeast over growth, dont know it, and then have issues that they arent sure what to rack it up to.

This is about yeast over growth in the digestive system. It makes it hard for your body to process your food. And, if you dont know that you are dealing with it, you are probably making it worse with the foods you consume.

My sister decided she would do the candida spit test.

Great name huh? Well, its pretty self explainitory.

In the morning, you put some distilled water at room temperature in a clear glass. Then, before you put ANYTHING in your mouth, you get a good amount of spit in your mouth and you spit in the glass. You can leave there for up to an hour to see what your spit does.

IF it gets stringy and kind of separates as it goes towards the bottom, YOU my friend are dealing with candida. IF it separates like small spotty pieces, YOU my friend, are dealing with Candida. If it floats on top of the water, YOU my friend, are NOT dealing with Candida.

Ok, so, what are the symptoms of Candida?

Well, there are many. Hell, breathing could be a symptom. Yep, its one of THOSE things where anything that you feel could be related. But, just for fun, I will list the symptoms.

Here goes.....

• abdominal gas and bloating


• headaches


• migraines


• excessive fatigue


• cravings for alcohol


• anxiety


• vaginitis ( cant we thing of a better name...??)


• rectal itching


• cravings for sweets


• inability to think clearly or concentrate


• hyperactivity


• mood swings


• diarrhea


• constipation


• hyperactivity


• itching


• acne


• eczema


• depression


• sinus inflammation


• pre-menstrual syndrome


• dizziness


• poor memory


• persistent cough


• earaches


• low sex drive


• muscle weakness


• irritability


• learning difficulties


• sensitivity to fragrances and/or other chemicals


• cognitive impairment


• thrush


• athlete's foot


• sore throat


• indigestion


• acid reflux


• chronic pain

Some may look at this and say "k, so....whats the big deal?" Well, maybe not a BIG deal if it is mild and you dont have a reason to even think that anything may be wrong. However, it can reck havoc on the following:

• digestive


• nervous


• cardiovascular


• respiratory


• reproductive


• urinary


• endocrine


• lymphatic


• musculoskeletal

So yeah, yeast issues arent just for *down there*. See what I mean? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is a symptom. However, for my sister, her issues that lead her to this conclusion was bloating, sugar craving (abnormal amounts), anxiety, as well as hormonal issues.

When she was talking about all of this, I thought "Hmmmmm.....I wonder if there is something to this for me.."

My issues, Keeping the weight off, sinus issues, headaches, gas and bloating and digestion issues. Ya know, my stomach never feels good.

So, I did the spit test. Sure enough, it didn't take long for my spit to separate, get stringy and sink.

So, what can be done about this?

Well, there are some supplements out there that say they can combat the candida with out much change in diet.

There may be some truth to that. However, I tend to believe that the majority has to be done with diet.

So, what does the Candida diet consist of? I asked this to my sister and PRAYED and crossed my fingers that it wasnt like eating when on HCG.

Well, it kind of is. But not the same.

The "DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT EATING!!" Foods-

SUGAR!! Avoid it like the plague. Did you even know how many kinds of sugars there are? Well take a looky loo:

-Beet Sugar
-Maple Sugar
-Date Sugar
-Organic Cane Syrup
-Organic Cane Juice
-Organic Cane Sugar
-Dextrose
-Maltose
-Lactose
-Maltodextrin
-Fructose
-High Fructose Corn Syrup
-Brown Sugar
-Powdered Sugar
-Honey
-Molasses
-Alcohol is the most refined form of sugar you can consume.

Anything ending in "lose"....yeah, stay away from that.

-No alcohol
-No wheat
-No yeast
-No caffeine (Caffeine prompts the liver to dump large doses of sugar into the blood stream)
-No preservatives and additives
-No refined and processed foods
-No moldy foods
-No dairy (except yogurt and butter on occasion)
Cheese and milk contain lactose (milk sugar) which the yeast will feed on.
(some people can do small amounts of cottage cheese)
-Low in Carbohydrates

-No processed meats like lunch meat, spam, bacon, sausage etc.

Um...ok, so what CAN I eat?

-Lean Meat and Fish
-Eggs
-High in Protein and Vegetables
-Low in Fruit and Nuts

The basic and most successful anti Candida diet should consist of nothing but lean meat, eggs, and low carbohydrate vegetables. A small amount of whole fruit, nuts and seeds may be acceptable if they don't flare symptoms.

Meats to Include

-buffalo (is lower in fat and cholesterol than chicken or turkey)
-chicken
-beef
-turkey
-lamb
-ostrich
-pheasant
-venison
-fish.( its good to be wise about the fish you eat. some are high in mercury and *most* farmed fish are full of pollutants. I also read that Atlantic Salmon is higher in mercury than pacific salmon)

I always think that Organic is best. I mean, if you are trying to get rid of the yeast overload in your body, it makes no sense to eat meat that is pumped full of antibiotics. (one of the things yeast feeds on)

Low Carb Vegetables to Include

-cabbage
-kale
-lettuce
-cucumbers
-zucchinis
-cauliflower
-green beans
-spinach
-any green leafy vegetable is low in carbohydrates
-onions
-garlic
-green peppers
-avocados (are excellent because they are also very good for stabilizing -blood sugar)
-tomatoes are low carb but high in acid and often aggravate yeast, you'll need to monitor your symptoms to determine whether you should include them in your diet.

Ok....so what can I eat, but just not much of or not often?

High Carb Foods to Avoid or Eat Sparingly

-potatoes (DAMN!)
-carrots (Meh..)
-sweet potatoes (DAMN!!)
-yams (DAMN DAMN DAMN!)
-corn (meh...)
-beans (damn-ish)
-winter squash (SH&T, DAMN, HELL!!!)

K...FINE! WHAT ELSE CANT I HAVE???

Grains

Grains should be avoided completely or reserved for special occasions on the Candida diet. Not only are they are highly allergenic and high in carbohydrates, but the human body does not digest them properly. They disrupt the gastrointestinal tract.

-rice (meh...)
-wheat (Meh...)
-oats (meh...)
-barley (meh..)
-spelt (meh...)
-rye (meh...)
-corn (meh....)

There are ALTERNATE grains that can be used though:

-Kamut (huh?)
-Quinoa (YUMMY!!)
-Amaranth (Ama...what?)

So.....I guess this isnt really much different than how normally eat....except for the the stuff that I am swearing about. BUT...Eggs and Yogurt are allowed...to an extent.

Yogurt is okay on occasion because it contains healthy bacteria. (GREEK YOGURT!!)
-Cheese or cottage cheese should be restricted for special occasions. (meh..)
-Eggs are a good protein and contain no carbs. (YAY for Fresh Eggs from our chickens!!)

Lets talk about nuts-

Some people can include nuts, while other's can't. Nuts are very good for you, so if you can include them in your diet, you should. However in the beginning phase of the Candida diet they are best avoided or reduced.

Nuts are moldy. Some of them are also high carbohydrate.

Cashews are high in carbohydrates.

Macadamia, Almond, Walnut Hazelnut are lower in carbohydrates. Peanuts should be avoided, they are actually a legume, not a nut.

Ok, so whatev....I mean, I would be sad if I couldn't eat Almonds, but they are Ok-ish. Sweet!

This ones going to hurt. Alot......Fruits..... grrrr....ok, here is goes-

Most people need to cut down on fruit intake drastically while following the Candida diet. This is because fruit is high in natural sugar. Some fruits are higher in sugar than others.

Some people can eat fruit freely and other people can't eat it at all. On the other hand, some people can only eat fruit that is lower in sugar.


Fruit High in Sugar
-Oranges (very moldy as well)
-Bananas
-Dates
-Raisins (At one point these wrinkly fellas were Grapes.......damn! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Grapes. But, I did stop eating them as much because I noticed that I was bloated the more I ate them. And I could eat a pound a day. No lie... So this is making sense)

Fruit Medium level of sugar
-Apples
-Apricots
-Peaches
-Melons (also very moldy)


Fruit Low in sugar
-Strawberries
-Blueberries
-Raspberries
-Blackberries
-Pears

Oh, and this. NO VINEGAR!!!! WHAT???? I guess scientifically, it makes sense. I think I can handle it. However, Apple Cider Vinegar is fine. But I LOVE Balsamic Vinegar. Hmph.

So, in a nut shell (depending on the nut)

No Starches

that is to include grains and root veggies.

So, no bread.

No pasta

Minimal (if ANY) fruit

No dairy (sucks that I LOVE blue cheese....ya know....moldy cheese....perfect feeding ground for a yeast extravaganza)

Very picky with nuts and what is actually a nut.

"They" say that for every month you have had candida, you should adopt the diet. But who knows how long they have had candida. I mean, by the time the symptoms make you go "hmmmm" its already a problem. So, I will do it as long I feel I need to. Then when I am ready, I will introduce some of the no-nos into my diet and pay close attention to the results.

LOTS of people D.R.O.P. weight like a hot plate when they get going on this. Not knowing that this was a main reason as to why it has been so frustrating getting the weight off.

So- here goes nuthin. I would like to say that I will blog about results in the way I feel and look and that I will also blog about what I eat, but really....who am I kidding?

If I do, consider it a good day for me....and you. :)

Alisa- The Candida Hunter

i really should be getting ready to go to the gym.

i guess all it takes is putting my shoes and sock on. i think i can do that and be there 18 minutes.

push play on the ipod to the right. its gonna play my new favorite song for right now.

k, so, i know how much i talk about brandi carlile. but serious guys, she is UH-MAZING!

so, she came to Red Butte in july. then 3 weeks later announced that she would be at The State Room in September. the minute they went on sale, i got my ticket. i am glad. she sold out in a hour. now, there were only 300 tickets available, but still.

so, she was scheduled to come on tuesday the 14th. and she did.

but she came on the MONDAY and SUNDAY before!!!!

she was supposed to open for sheryl crow in vegas and reno, but SC got the poopies.

so, she canceled.

so brandi was like- " hey, lets go see our besties in the SLC."

i couldnt go to sunday, but I went to monday with nikki and joni. then AGAIN on tuesday with joni, nikki, nancy, nicole, jen and lindsay.

i knew that i was going to have to be all crazy and get in line at like 2. doors opened at 7. So that is what i did. and sure enough, there were like 9 chairs in front of me.

but that was cool. i knew that we would still get front left of the stage. yup, bellies to the stage.

that is my new favorite thing. going stupid early to concerts and waiting in line. i made lots of new friends. and i am sure that there were people that wanted to punch me in throat too. but whatev, i made friends with some pretty groovy people. however, they thought i was a lesbian. in all fairness, most people that see brandi ARE lesbians. cuz she is a freakin HOT lesbian herself. and she is an uhmazing singer/songwriter. oh, then, when we were starting to actually go in to the venue, like 7 little glammed out chics decide that they are going to butt in front of us. I wasnt having it. i was mouthy that night. i was pissed. so i took jonis hand and we made our way in front of them. i had one person (that wasnt with the glamm's) ask me if i was trying to butt in front of her. I said "no, im just taking my place back. you were 15 people behind me 20 minutes ago..." nothing she could say about that. she understood. but then i got some stink eyes and wispering from the glamms. so out loud, and a little passive aggresivley, i say to joni ***get ready for some real language*** "i want them to say something to me. i can break their skinny asses over my knee."

i thought that was original. and it shut them up. :)

i had one of my new friends ask me how i met a mutual friend of ours. i tried to explain, and her girlfriend said "wait, arent you her partner?" i said "na, my husband might feel weird about that....at first. but mostly he would get pissed cuz i wouldnt want to take pictures...and then there is my daughter....it might confuse her...."

she went bright red. she apologized.

i dont see a reason to apologize. i told her not to worry about it. would she apologize if she thought i was with another man? nope. please dont think that i would be embarassed if someone thought i was a lesbian. that would indicate that is something to be ashamed of. not in my world. besides, i have many people in my life that are gay, and i love them the mostest.

anywhoooo

brandi said happy birthday to joni cuz we screamed it to her.

she winked at nikki, AGAIN.

she winked at her on monday too when she asked for requests and nikki requested a new song that isnt on any albums yet. so she said ok, and winked at nikki.

oh.

be still my heart.

so after the concert on tuesday, they werent going to come sign autographs. but we knew that they go to the bayou after their shows. so we went there to get something to eat.

they werent there.

but when we were going back to the state room parking lot, we saw that the bus was still there...and there she was. there was brandi.

(they couldnt have left if they wanted to though. nikki was parked in front of the bus...bwahahahahaha)

so i had nothing for them to sign.

damn!

wait, i have my big wheel shirt on.

you know, white shirt with a blue neck and blue 3/4 sleeves.

they can sign my shirt!!

first i had allison (her drummer) sign my shirt. on my chest. (not boobs)

then i had josh, the cellist sign my back, then katie herzig (opening act) and her bass payer sign my back. then brandi signed the right side of my chest.

seriously, one of the BEST nights of my life.....as far as concerts go.

please check her out.

you will love her too.

and if you dont, thats ok, then i dont have to get all ninja on your ass when you are in front of me in line.

pssst... im listening to her now.

alisa

i just realized that i never did tell you about the biker that hit my car.

maybe tomorrow. between the party, massage, cleaning and yard work.

OH! AND i cant find my gym key card!!!

NOT COOL!

I'm not going to apologize this time for not blogging for so long.

Only because it seems that I apologize all the time.

Kinda like when you "love" everything, you "love" nothing.

If I apologize about the same thing all time, I really must not be sorry.

So I am not apologizing out of technicality.

That works.

I wish i had my camera with me, rather that in some random pocket of my husbands, as he is hunting. I wanted to post pictures of our Yellowstone trip.

It was grand!

I got some great pictures of Grace fly fishing for the first time. She LOVED it.

I also wanted to show you the little country cabin we stayed in while in Cooke City Montana. Cooke City is GORGEOUS! Such rugged country. I could post the pictures of all the bison we saw, but really, you see one buffalo, you've seen 'em all.....right?

I will save that post for sometime in October when I see my husband again.

(Hunting season)

So, I mentioned before that I started my 3rd(!!!) round of hell..er HCG. Maybe I didn't mention it.

Well, I did.

I was pumped. I knew that I could do it. The first time was such a success. The second time was, until I went to Oregon and put everything I saw in my mouth. YES! Everything!

"Hello Eggs benedict with crab on top"....in my mouth

"Hello anything sweet, salty, crunchy, gooey.."......in my mouth

"Hello pretzel on the floor of our rented cougar car (HHR)".....in my mouth

"Hello Pine smelling car freshener"...in my mouth

It was bad. Oh Lord, It was bad.

So, 3rd round. PUMPED! I can do this! My cousin was doing it with me. It always makes it easier for me when someone does it with me. Well, wait, not when my husband did it with me on my second round. No NOT EASIER. HARDER. PAINFUL!!! The protocol that we were following was stricter than a lot of them out there. No mixing veggies, and less veggies to choose from.

So he would ask "Can we have broccoli?"

Me:"No"

Husband:"Why?"

Me:"I don't know, it just says"

Husband:"So your just going to do what someone tells you to with out knowing why?"

Me:"Normally, NO. However, in this case, yes"

Husband:"Thats stupid we cant have broccoli. I don't understand why we cant have broccoli"

Me:"Go argue with the dead doctor if you want to then...GOSH!"

Never doing that with my husband again.

Anyway. A few things I learned this round:

1- Im stronger than I thought

2- I HATE CABBAGE! I thought we could reconcile from our nasty break up in round one. We tried it this time. Im sorry, but you just cant fake chemistry. It was awkward. It was uncomfortable. There will be no more cabbage for this girl.

3- It is possible to go out of town, and do HCG. It takes HOURS of prep and more control than anyone should ever have to muster up. I had to muster it up from every corner of my body. I drained it from my finger nails.

4- NEVER GO ON TRIPS WHILE ON HCG!!!! ( I went on two and never cheated)

5- Hcg has served me well. And it is time to bid farewell.

So, no, I didn't make it to 23 days. More like 18. I lost 12 lbs. Im cool with that. However, as I was on my last trip, I read The Eat Clean Diet Recharged by Tosca Reno. I have read her other book. And I really enjoyed this one. I enjoyed it so much! I was so inspired! I was so excited to get going on it. That is why I dumped HCG. Eating Clean is a lifestyle. Hcg is not. So I wanted to take advantage of my excitement to implement this right away.

Tosca talks about eating 6 times a day. This is not a new concept to most of us. However, I bet most of us don't do it. She talks about portions of protein, grains and complex carbs. She talks about how important all of those are. And, she says DONT COUNT CALORIES!! Holy scare the bejezus outta me!! Do you know how long I have been counting calories????? Its my wooby. It really is.

Oh yeah, and she tells you NOT TO WEIGHT YOURSELF?

WHHHHAAAAAA????? I am not familiar with the concept. I cant drop that cold turkey.

I cant.

I will weigh myself weekly. Then I will wean myself from that and weigh monthly. But, I am going to trust her on the calorie counting thing.

Since I AM on phase three of HCG. (This is where I have no sugar and no starches) I cant implement all of the foods she talks about. Ya know, most of the grains and some of the veggies. However, I am doing the rest of it.

Now, the gym is not a new concept to me either. In fact before Oregon, I was going almost every morning. but since Oregon, I just choose to let them take money out of my account on a monthly basis. Well, I went back this last week. I have a routine now though. That is what I was missing before. I go 3 days a week for now. I do 1/2 hour of cardio. (The elliptical) Then I do a half hour of strength training.

Mondays I work on my core.

Wednesdays I work my legs.

Fridays I work my upper body.

Then after every work out, I have a high protein smoothie to repair my muscle.

When building muscle, you do it as if your muscle is the new army recruit and you are the drill sergeant. You break it down, and then build it back up . That is what happens to your muscles when you work them. You are shredding them. That is why it is so important that you have a protein shake, or something of the sorts, after you work them out. That protein helps build them back up. That is why you are sore after a work out, Specifically strength training. So, sore is good. Just not debilitating sore.

Anywho, the reason why I am concentrating on strength training and not just cardio is that I want to flip metabolism.

Building muscle will get my metabolism working for me even more so (I would imagine its close to out of batteries right now) when I am not even working out. The more lean muscle mass you have, the better working metabolism you have.

So- I am diggin' this. It isn't a HUGE lifestyle change for me. Really, we eat pretty dang clean in my house. In fact, today, I am cleaning out my pantry. We RARELY eat out of cans and never out of boxes or bags. I will move all these things down to our food storage.

I am excited, because I will be able to use most of my pantry for storing other things for the kitchen that I seem to have run out of room for.

WAHOO!!

I am thinking that I will start another blog that is mainly about my eating and my working out.

I will see.

Obviously I have a hard enough time taking care of one blog. Why would I take on two?

Ya know how in high school for one of your classes they have you carry around a bag of flour and act like it is a baby for a week. This is a sorry attempt to get high school kids to have some sort of idea about how hard it is to be a parent.....TO A SACK OF FLOUR....??

Anyway, they should have that for people who are thinking of having blogs. Something to help you determine if you are adult enough, responsible enough and willing to put in the time to a blog.

Clearly I would have left my sack of flour on top of my car at least a dozen times by now.

I'll have to think about this.

Have some super days.

Alisa

Internet Squatting....

What you dont know (until now when I tell you) is that I am doing a dance.

A jig of sorts.

This is because WE HAVE INTERNET!!!

Geez Lu-eez, we havent had internet for MONTHS!

Judge if you want, but whatever internet we had, we stole. Well, graciously borrowed.

Someone around here had an open network. So when it worked we graciously said please and thank you. However, I think they stopped paying their bill.

HELLO! You have other internet addictions to feed...not just your own.

But, this is how we are paying "them" back....ours isnt locked. So, they can partake for a few months. I would gladly go tell them, but I have NO IDEA whose internet home we were squatting in. Time to make the universe balanced by sharing...right?

I hope that you dont think bad thoughts about us now.

We really are pretty good people.

Anyway, that is why I am doing a dance. And in order for me to keep up on whats going on in blogger-ville-ing-ton, I would have to lay in bed at night and read the posts. I would also have to post from my phone. It isnt hard, it just takes a long time and I already know that I need to work on my patience.

So, I very graphically threatened my sister in law Sara about getting me the rest of the pictures and video from Oregon. She ignored me.

I cant put on here how I threatened her. But trust me, I am surprised she didnt take out a restraining order on me.

Later she told me she would get them to me soon. So, when I get them, plan on either a mother of a post, or a gaggle of posts. With pictures.

Today is my first day of 500 calories on my third round of HCG. I think my head is in it this time. I am excited that in 40 days, I can undo all that I did in 6 months in the undoing of my 2nd round.

Did that just make you dizzy?

What that means is that in 6 months, I gained every pound back that I lost in my 2nd round. I know some will read this and think or say “See! HCG doesn’t work!!”

I beg to differ.

I didn’t work.

HCG did its job in the time frame that I did it. Hell, it did its job months after I stopped. I’m the dumb @$$ that decided to eat like crap!

Actually, I kept all of it off quite successfully up through May. May was the slippery slope. Well, Oregon was the slippery slope. I came back from Oregon, physically, feeling like crap. I ate badly for how I normally eat. I normally eat fresh, clean foods. In fact, I was talking to my sister last night, telling her that I don’t know why I even have a pantry. Well, at least a pantry that is stuffed to the gills with food that we don’t eat. We just don’t eat out of cans or boxes.

Anyway. I blame me for my weight gain. Blaming HCG for my weight gain is like blaming the Insulin when a diabetic has issues because they decided to eat sugar.

I know exactly where I went wrong. I stopped taking my lunch to work. AND, I stopped going to the gym. I guess in a sense, I got lazy. But man, I feel like I was ALWAYS running. Always having something that needs to get done. I am still super busy. But the part about HCG that I am looking forward to the most (other than the weight loss) is the structure.

In order for me to be successful with it, I MUST be structured. I have to be prepared and I have to be on a schedule. So, that will get me and my lard-o butt back on track.

Ok, so since I have working internet that I can be a proud owner of, I will post more often. I told my friend Jen that I will blog about the time that I got hit by a cyclist……in my PARKED car….. Let that simmer.

In the mean time, I have some Asparagus Curry Chicken soup waiting for me.

Catch ya on the flip flop

Alisa

Help a girl out suga......

So-
I am planning my return to Italy next year. I will be there in June for two weeks.
We will be in villages that are snuggled up against The Dolomites.

Here is a visual:


Super rough, huh? I know. But I am a trooper.

Anyway, every time I plan an adventure, I think "Oh, but we will so close to _________. Maybe we should try to fit in ___________." And it can turn crazy REALLY fast.
However, last time, we thought "Oh Man, we will be so close to Greece. We HAVE to go to Greece." So we did and it was great. You should check it out here. (But wait until you are done with this one. I need your help!)

This time is no exception.

So, this is the decision we are up against. Below are the three options of the other places we will be so close to.......

Austria

Or

Switzerland

OR...

Southern France



I'm really leaning towards Austria.

Help me out.

List of the Grateful-ness

Grateful-

*Hand blenders

*Almond milk

*Pink plastic party cups

*Flip flops

*Lagoon passes (because EVERY time we go, we have more fun than the time before)

*Old Navy

*My smart phone

*Zero Calorie Sobe Life water

*This American Life

*Scissors

*Pink toe nail polish with sparkles

*Alicia Unruh

*Pear and gorgonzola pizza at CPK

*Joran, my hair girl

*Candles

*Coconut flour

*Farmers markets

*Tye…..T-horse….Gus. He is pretty dang great. He loves me a lot. And he tells me a lot. J

*Massage Envy and the 5 hours of massage I have saved up

*The picture of a flower Tye painted for me that I have on my desk

*The snow flakes and pictures Grace made for me that I have on my wall in my office

*The Olive Bar at Smiths Market Place in Bountiful

(Im not gonna lie, its borderline inappropriate, this relationship I have with it)

* Cousin Emily

*MUSIC!!

***Brandi. When she sings anything really. But Super thankful for “Again Today” and the line “Im broken down, not good enough-my broken promises add up; they’re twice their weight in tears, which I have caused…”

***Katie Herzig and when she sings “I wanna wish you well” and the line in that song goes “I wanna smell your scent. I wanna breathe the air I did before, before you left….”

*** Ryan Adams- His version of Wonderwall is so….melty

* Park City and the huge lift that takes you to the top of the slide and the $50.00 it cost to do the slide and the coaster for me a Grace.

* Sara Boulter

*Spare Tires

*Knowing how to eat healthy

*Actually eating healthy

*Finishing my day snuggling Grace in my bed while watching The Simpsons and “Getting her zits”.

(Pinching her back)

Secret.....

I have a secret to tell.
Actually….not a secret. Calling it a secret makes me feel like it is something that I should be ashamed of. And I’m not.

No way.

In fact, I have told other people this. So, it isn’t a secret. It never was.
So, that secret part…..scratch that.

I am 34 with a husband and an 8 year old daughter and I full on peed my pants.
No lie. 100% flood gates opened, peed until there was not more pee to release, peed my pants.

Want the story?

Here it is.

My family and I went up to Island Park, ID for the 4th of July weekend.
Tye’s family has a cabin up there on the lake and when we get invited, we really like to go. Plus, we had just purchased our camping trailer and wanted to break it in.

On Saturday, the rest of the family and Grace went out on the boat. So, Tye and I decided to shoot our bows. We loaded them in the truck with the target and headed out to find a meadow. We found a perfect spot just off a small dirt road.

Here’s where it all started to go….er get wet….

I think that as soon as my feet touched the ground, it triggered the beginning of some sort of bladder betrayal sensory connector in my body. For real, my feet touched the ground from getting out of the truck and I just went “Holy Cow, I have to pee….NOW”

****This is where some might say “If you aren’t interested in the details that I will be divulging below, skip to the next paragraph”. Well, not me. This is where I will say….If you aren’t interested in the details that I will be divulging below, you may want to stop reading my blog all together….*****

Play by play of Operation Bladder Betrayal-

Get out of the truck
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT CONNECTS TO BODILY FUNCTIONS!!
MUST. PEE. NOW.!
Run over to the other side of the truck, in front of Tye’s open door.
Pants down.
Get in “position”.
Pee….
Tye yells “OH SHOOT!.....”.

Ok, at this point, for 1/8th of a millisecond, I thought that there was a rattlesnake by my butt. Don’t worry, there wasnt.

“What??” I say
Tye- “Here come people towards us…”
Sure enough, I didn’t plan on people coming TOWARDS us.
So, Tye jumps in front of me. Seriously though, they have already seen me in peeing position and peeing.
He yells “Hurry, STOP PEEING…GET UP!!”

HUH?!?!

Ok, tell me, who the hell can stop peeing after they have started? And not just a “tinkle” started, but “the flood gates have opened, release the contents” kind of started. Well, apparently, not me. I cant stop. Its as if my bladder has a mind of its own and it has been waiting for the perfect time to betray me. Or, as if it is not even a part of me at all. Totally independent of me and my body. No. It was more like I wanted someone across the world, in another country....say Laos, to stop peeing. I had no say in it.
Makes no sense, right?

So, there I am, pants up, pee still coming out of me. I gave up. I just accepted that pee was coming out of me at a very high rate and no matter what I (or Tye) thought I should be able to do about it, there was nothing that I could actually do about it. So I embraced it. I wouldn’t say that I actually preferred it. However, once I surrendered, it didn’t suck.

By this time, the riders on the ATVs have seen the show and they were on their way to tell all their family and friends and most likely Facebook about. Im sure someone has it on their blog as well. Well, mystery ATV-ers, you are welcome for the content.

So, Tye turns to me and says “You really peed your pants?” …….I look at him with a look that is somewhere between *Did I suddenly start talking in tongues and you didn’t understand me??* and *If that wasn’t you standing next to me while I peed my pants…WHO WAS IT??”

“YES!” I answer as I slap the back of my wet leg to demonstrate how wet my pants were.
“I look like a just sat in a river…..” I tell him. He looks at me, opens his door and gets something. He hands this “something” to me. It’s a (as in ONE) folded napkin………….

I look at him and say “I don’t need to blow my nose….”
He says “Put it in your underwear, it’ll soak up the pee.”
Really, he thought this was a good idea.

I look at him and say: “Tye, I love you. I really do. You know this. We have been married for 12 years. And maybe you have ever doubted my love for you. Hell, I have ever doubted my love for you. But not on this day. No. On this day I am clear about my love for you. However, right now I am doubting your ability to understand that I JUST PEED MY PANTS!!! I DIDN’T DO AN ACCIDENTAL TINCKLE LIKE I DO WHEN I SNEEZE!!! (Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about ladies) Thanks, but this will just melt in my pants and become part of the
wet- mess.”

Most of you, well actually, most PEOPLE, would head back to the cabin at this point.
But really, what would be the point? I would have to figure out how to sit in the truck as to not get the seat wet with my peed-ness. I guess I could have sat in the bed of the truck. Just like our dogs….that pee whenever and where ever they want.

But, I REALLY wanted to shoot my bow. So, I made the decision. No, we will not leave. We will stay and shoot our bows. There was a nice breeze out. I was wearing thin yoga pants. They would dry. They were black, so you couldn’t even tell that I had peed….kinda. So that is what we did. We stayed for about an hour and a half, my pants dried, I shot like crap-ish, lost an arrow and made a memory.

Adult incontinence mishap- 2.

With many more to come…I am positive.