I worked on this all night

I'm not one of those women that wake up, roll out of bed, throw something on, put a *pretty in my hair and have it actually pass for "ready for the day".
Oh, how I wish I could.
As you can see, my hair prohibits that.
This is what I look like when I wake up. And based off the picture, can you even imagine what my breath smells like?
Well, I get the pleasure of tasting it.

Sorry. TMI?

And, I have no idea what I did to my chin last night.
See the big dried blood mark? I have blood all over my hands.

I can't even imagine the stuff I might do if I took Ambien.

Hopefully my bedhead doesn't scare you away.

Happy Saturday!

* a pretty is what we call anything that can be
used to put up a ponytail, or of the like.


~a

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walk-in closet

I need to broaden my music pallet.
Let me tell you what I DONT like to listen to.

Daughtry (Sorry Xazmin)
Nickel Back
Rihanna
Nicky Minaj (i dont even care if thats not how I spell it)

I dont mind country. I used to listen to it a lot when I was in high school and then when I was in college. At Snow. In Ephraim.
For those of you that are not familiar with Snow College or Ephraim, just know this: Turkey Farms.
So, Country music is Ok. But, I have yet to find a country artist or song that I will want to listen to over and over and over.
However, I do believe that as far as the music industry goes, the nicest people are Country Music Artists.

Rant over.

I rarely listen to the radio. I HATE it.
I like to listen to little golden nuggets of "never heard before" music stylings.

So, maybe you are thinking, "Get to the point Alisa. Other than Brandi, who DO you like?"
I know that I could be mistaken for the creepy fan that knows everything from:
* where the stalking victim was born,
*to their blood type,
*to when she shuts her blinds.....

Maple Valley AB negative 7:00. After she has walked her dog.


Oh, knock it off! I'm not serious.

.....


Anyway. So, I like singer/song writer. I like depth in the music. I like it to be REAL music. No keyboards with "weeky weeky, bsht bsht, shicka shicka" fake sounds.

So, here is who I like: (in no particular order, other than the first one. Duh.)

*Brandi Carlile
*The Middle East
*Bon Iver (For those who say Bawn Eye-ver, just some clarification; its Bone I-vear)
*Acorn
*Foster The People (They are the most "weeky weeky, bsht bsht, shicka shicka" I get in my daily music)
*Florence + The Machine
*Ivan and Alyosha
*Mumford & Sons (I was listening to them before it was cool to)
*Ryan Adams

On occasion, I will listen to:
*Phoenix
*LCD Soundsystem
*KT Tunstall
*Civil Twilight
*Spoon


I think that is it. Well, I listen to more. And I like more, but I cant think of who or what.
See?
My musical wardrobe needs to expand and I need to need a walk in closet for it.

Any help? Who wants to help me and be my musical ambassador?
I had a musical ambassador at one point, but I think he quit.
He's been a "no call-no show" for a few months now.

Who do you LOVE to listen to? Over and over and over again.
And then again.

Then once more for the love of it.
Who is it?


Tell me. Right. Now.


~a

oh, and thank you. where are my manners....?

reason

Im laying here in my bed. In the dark. With Grace in my arms.

I cant think of anything more authentic, pure, natural, comforting, painful.........eternal, than a mothers love.
Than my love for her.

Loving her is what all of me is made of.
She is the reason my lungs expand with air.
She is the reason blood flows through my body.
She is what l feel when I feel. Anything.

She is the reason for everything.

mortar

Interesting.
Earlier today I thought about the words we say to those we love, when we feel (or even know), we wont get the chance to say them again.
A loved one is leaving. Perhaps to serve our country, their religion, or to serve their heart. We fear that we may not have the option to look in their eyes again. Feel their breath again. Touch them again. The fear is real and justified.
Even so, a loved one on tail end of their journey here on earth.
We think and say all the things we have never said or always said but couldn't possibly say enough.
None of the hurtful things about the relationship matter. And why would they?

So, why are these things so much more important, when we feel this time...is the last?
Or should I say...I.

Again, interesting.
A few hours later I got a text from one of the most important people in my life. I was asked kindly to tell this person the good things about them.
This person was hurting and needed to offset the icky things they were telling them selves.
Everything I told this person was absolutely what I felt about them.
But, I really did assume they knew that I felt these thing for them.
However, I cant think of the last time I told them.

Then, I read THIS post from a blog I follow. (I recommend you do too. Her girls remind me of my nieces)


Her close friends dad passed today. She writes about a few of her memories.
From what I gather, it was unexpected.

All those words I imagine his family wanted to say to him. I am not sure if the opportunity was provided.

But I know this.
Now is the perfect opportunity.
It doesn't need to be the deepest thing you've said. Or felt.
But, maybe if we allow the good stuff to float to the top, and the bothersome be camouflaged in between it all, and say what we see........ well, it wont take away the need to say it when we fear we wont have another chance.

I think.that everytime we say what we feel, it can serve as mortar. Not just glue, but the strong material that bonds the relationship. Everytime it leaves our hearts, travels to our lips and is given to our loved one; its one more layer of mortar.


~a

if i worked at a restaurant, id be fired.
the time between appetizer and portion of main course is unforgivable. (this is part of the main course...get it?)

so, I'm fat.
if you didn't know that, its true.
im not being all down on myself, this is pertinent to the post.
though, im not as fat as I used to be.

so, as a fat person, I get mostly frustrated with fat fashion.
does the word "fat"make you're uncomfortable? k, ill say plus.
anyway, plus fashion is frustrating.
Soooooooooooo frustrating.

I like to think that I have some sort of idea about fashion and what looks good.
What i DO know, is what DOESN'T look good.

Im sorry if the next few rants offend someone. these are just MY thoughts and they are in no way attached to anyone in particular.

im sure there are people out there that would say "if you don't like plus sized clothes options.....get your body un-plus sized"

derp....and duh.
and, shut your know-it-all, judgmental pie hole... *mmmmmmm....pie.......* (see the humor in that?)
im trying not to be convinced that the people who design clothes for us plus goddesses are mean bitches that are a size 2* when they are bloated, and they are trying to teach us a lesson. you know, punish us.

now, I know this isnt true, but, based off the options out there, its as if these words are being said as the clothes are being conceptualized, and/or made.....
"fat.....er plus sized ladies should love disney characters on their denim shirts....right? I mean, doc and sneezy are cute when they are giving a 'thumbs up' on the chest pocket....right?"
or....
"plus women have a lot on their body they want to hide....so, lets use LOTS of floral. you know, the kind that looks like it smells like bengay, denture glue and green onions."
and quite possibly.....
"aren't plus women just glad to find something that fits? lets put a collar on this shapeless tent and call it a polo. even better, lets put buttons down this mumu and call it a henley ".

listen, I know no one is out to get me. am I my ideal body size? no.
if there is blame to be had regarding my body, does it belong go anyone else? no.

however, I will not apologize for just wanting to have cute, affordable and comfortable clothes to wear.
oh..and who in-thee-hell decided that only females with slender calves should get to wear zip up boots?!!!
THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!
can some one tell my why the clothes I see in sizes 9-12 cant be made in sizes 14-32?
yup, more material. i get it.
i will pay you more.

maybe I ask too much. but, i don't think so.

so, who is going to help me start a clothing line for plus sized goddesses?

~a

*i am not saying skinny women are bitches. being skinny, fat, white, black, smart or stupid, doesn't make one a bitch.
but there are many bitches that happen to be skinny, fat, white, black, smart or stupid.

the appetizer

guys!
i haven't blogged since JULY!
oh. my. mona.
i have done a lot over the last 6 months.
Colorado, Seattle, Nashville and California, losts of concerts, drinks with the band, online schooling, 2 weeks without grace, last minute Xmas for 2 families, tubbing, brandi, brandi, brandi, brandi,brandi,brandi, beach and disneyland!
you bet I have to start with brandi.
guys, i saw brandi 6 times last year!
that right there, makes 2011 the best year ever!
husband sent me and sister in law Sara to vegas to see brandi in may for mothers day.
then, she came with ray lamontagne in july.
then me, sister in law Sara, sister Erin, and friends lindsay, angie, cheryl, nicole and Joni went to aspen to see her in August. Sister Erin *thought* she bought her tickets and had them at will call. however, upon further investigation, it was proven that she had not, in fact, purchased a ticket to the sold out show.
enter my God given gift of gab.
option one....and only.
find a band member, tell them story....hope to buy one of their guest list tickets.
even better? sister erin gets on the bands guest list.
no lie.
then we hauled butt home to slc to see her and I&A the next day.
then husband took me to nashville to see her.....TWICE!
once at the ryman theater, then we saw her debut at the grand ole opry.
i was so proud of her.
it was great to be there when husband got to meet her.
6 times!

k, so, my next few posts will be random time frames.
i may talk about August, then December, then october etc....you get it, right?

there will be funny, lame, feel good, random, and.....I may tell on myself. actually, i will tell on myself.


Bubye dears


~a